As much as I wanted to rush through filling out my resume and checklist so we could get to the negotiating portion of things, I told myself I needed to be patient and thoughtful. I needed to think things through and really consider my answers before filling them in. With the checklist I could change my mind at any time. Once I experienced something I might come to the conclusion that I didn’t like it at all, or maybe I wanted to try it more often. It was questions about my religious beliefs, living situation and goals I had for my future that I was particularly careful with.
Before I started filling out the resume questionnaire I thought I knew myself pretty well, but then I started to stall on answering questions and I had to wonder if I had been correct. Leif had made it clear he insisted that I be completely honest with him, no matter how ugly the truth could be. There were absolutely things in my past that I wished I could change or erase, but that wasn’t going to happen and like it or not, those things had helped to shape the person I’d become.
The hardest part was writing about my triggers. I knew Leif and I were going to have to discuss it in greater depth than what I had written on the resume, but I hopes that informing him that I had been sexually abused as a child would help him to understand why I had absolutely zero interest in a kidnapping and/or rape fantasy, and I was especially turned off by the idea of age play or a Daddy/little girl relationship. Leif seemed to be very focused on getting a solid grasp of me as a person, and he had explained that there was an intense psychological aspect that went into the sort of relationship I was considering getting into.
As promised, once I returned the checklist and resume to Leif he responded by giving me a sample of his standard rules for me to look over and consider. The items that were up for negotiation with him were italicized so I knew what we could discuss, and I was happy to see that he had standards and limits of his own that I would need to respect and comply with.
- When you wake up you are to contact Me so that I know when you are awake.
- You are to send Me pictures of what you are planning to wear each day, including shoes and under-things (assuming I permit you to wear them).
- You will send Me a daily to-do list and the results in the evening. When you don’t complete all of your tasks, you will be punished.
- You are not allowed to discuss your tasks or punishments—by that I mean they are not up for negotiation. I order; you do. End of story.
- You are not allowed to protest or be a brat. Failure to comply will result in punishment.
- You will not use bad language.
- You will ask for permission to orgasm. If you orgasm without permission (unless otherwise stated at the start of a session), you will be punished.
- You will thank Me for each orgasm I permit you to have.
- You are not allowed to touch yourself without asking Me for permission.
- You will be shaved everywhere when we see each other, unless I specify otherwise prior to our session. I will punish you if I find a single hair.
- You will not wear clothing when we are in bed together, unless otherwise stated by Me.
- You will thank Me for the privilege of swallowing my cum.
- You will speak openly about your feelings, fears, concerns, opinions, goals, problems outside of play, etc.
- You will fulfill your daily tasks in a timely manner, or you will be punished.
- You will start a workout routine with a trainer of My choosing (plans to follow).
I laughed when I saw that there was only one item on the list that was up for discussion, but at least I knew what he would expect of me in a general way. I was sure there would be more rules added to the list. In fact, I hoped that there was. The point of the relationship was for both of us to find mutual satisfaction, and I would find it best by serving him the way he wanted me to.
Some of the rules made me nervous, however. For instance, I had no idea whatsoever about how to stop myself from having an orgasm once I was on my way to it. I hoped that would be part of my training because otherwise I had a feeling I was going to break rule number seven pretty regularly. Leif had told me he wouldn’t set standards he didn’t think I could reach, but he would also push me to be better.
It would be easy to assume that having a relationship with a Dom meant all the Dom wanted was to punish their sub, but the more I read about it the more I realized that wasn’t the case. Recognizing the differences between an abuser and a Dom was important. Leif had been very clear about the importance of safety and keeping open lines of communication during play. He promised he would check in with me frequently using a color system that would let him know how I was doing, but he had yet to go over the specifics of that with me.
I was learning a lot and it was helpful that Leif was so patient with me. He understood that I was a beginner, and in this arena he was my first. I had zero sub training which meant he was going to have to start with the basics, but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, I got the feeling he was excited about the possibility of training me to please him, and I was willing to bet there was something particularly exciting about knowing he was the first to do it. He wouldn’t have to undo the work of another Dom in order to get me to comply with his orders.
A full week passed before I heard from Leif again. I received an email from him asking me when I would be available to meet him so we could discuss the things in my resume, as well as the rules he’d provided for me. In that time I had a chance to do a little more research of my own and there were a few rules I was hoping he would be willing to add to the list that would go into my contract. Since my next night off wasn’t until the following Sunday we made plans to meet that evening, and that time he asked me to come to The Playground.
I readily agreed and even though he didn’t ask me to, I decided I would wear red. That meant I dipped into my meager savings to go buy a new dress for the occasion. I found a nice one with a neckline that was sexy without revealing too much. I knew I was going to have to give Leif my measurements and sizes, and that made me a bit nervous. I wasn’t fat, or chubby even, but I wasn’t Madame Raven’s size either. Then again, I had no idea how she was able to breathe with her corsets cinched so tight all the time.
Oddly enough, corset training was something that was on my checklist and I had decided that was a no for me, at least for the time being. I wasn’t opposed to wearing them now and then for play or because my Sir asked me to, but I didn’t want to end up like a lot of the girls had in these parts two centuries ago with their waists permanently disfigured because of the corsets they were laced into everyday.
I also picked out some cute new lingerie since I was already dipping into my savings. I didn’t know if I would need it, but it made me feel better to know I was coordinated properly. In all of my researching I’d come across quite a few articles about inspection, and how it wasn’t uncommon for a Sir to inspect His property. Leif hadn’t mentioned much about that yet, but I assumed that it would be on the list of things I could expect.
In the beginning I was expecting him to be tough on me. It would be necessary if he was going to help me remold the way I thought. I’d spoken with Bunny, Talon’s sub, and she had explained to me that it was important not to lose myself in the process.
“A good Dom will help you become the best version of yourself, Scarlet, not remake you in the image He thinks you are,” she’d told me, but at the moment I found it difficult to see the distinction between the two.
I thought I would take some initiative and I typed up a list of my own rules that I wanted imposed on me, or ‘demands’ I was curious to see if Leif would accept as part of our negotiation. I had zero expectation of him accepting any of the items I had listed, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to bring something to the table. It was a negotiation, after all, and Leif had been the one to point out the importance of mutual satisfaction.
- Use me sexually in a rough, selfish way when You feel like it, even if it means interrupting what I’m doing at the moment.
- Ask me each night what I did that day You would not have approved of. This will get me in the habit of being completely honest, and also makes me conscious of the things I could do better each day.
- Teach me exactly how You want me to kneel, stand and demand perfection.
- Have me keep a diary of my journey into submission.
- Conduct random inspections of my body to make sure I keep myself to Your specifications.
- Give me reading assignments and test me on them to make sure I’ve learned my lessons.
- Instruct me to keep my toenails perfectly painted everyday and check to see that they are before bed.
- Make it my responsibility to put the toys away after play and punishment, and keep them clean and neat.
- Call me Your slut, Your pet, etc. (I would prefer pet to slut.)
- Defend my honor to those who would disrespect Your prized possession.
- Teach me things… expand my knowledge… in a patient, fatherly way.
- Teach me patience.
- When You go out of town, forbid me to shave my sex. Shave me Yourself when You return.
- Specify exactly how I will address You in private and in public.
Before I left I printed up the list I had written for Leif and tucked it into my purse. I didn’t know what he would think of it but I was about to find out. Like the week before I left the house and told Gran not to wait up for me. I had been impressed when she didn’t ask too many questions about my coffee date. I hoped it didn’t mean she had given up on me finding someone. I was only twenty-five, for crying out loud. I had plenty of time to find someone; although by comparison to the other girls I’d grown up with I was behind schedule.
Some of them already had a couple of kids or were on their second husband. In some ways it was hard not to feel inferior because of that. But then I thought about what their lives were like, and while it was true that some of them were happy with their lives I knew there were others that wished they had waited to become someone’s wife or mother.
Tara was always telling me I didn’t need to compare myself to anyone, that I should I do what made me happy. I supposed she was right, but it was difficult with Gran constantly making comments about one of her friends becoming a great grandmother, or seeing her knit a blanket or booties that weren’t for Jason or me. I felt like I was disappointing her in some capacity.
Maybe in finding Leif my luck was changing. A girl could hope.