A Non-Fiction Related Rant

So I was just driving around this morning and I saw this:

On the billboard I saw there was the added caption of: “A baby smiles at twelve weeks after conception.”

My blood boiled.

I’m a pro-choice person. I don’t feel I have the right to tell anyone what to do with their body. If, as a woman, you feel that having an abortion is the right decision for you, then I believe you should have the right to do it. Contrary to what a great many pro-lifers believe (or so I would assume based on some of the awful things they say and do in their protests outside of family planning clinics) I don’t believe the majority of abortions are due to being used as a form of birth control. And I would also venture to guess it’s the least popular option for a woman that finds herself with an unplanned and/or unwanted pregnancy.

I don’t plan on having children, personally, but should I ever find myself in a situation where I end up pregnant I don’t know that I would choose abortion either. However, it should be my choice how I deal with it.

When I saw that billboard I thought about several things.

First, I thought about the woman that had to have an abortion because she miscarried past the first twelve weeks of her pregnancy. It happened to a very close friend of mine. She was six months along when the doctors discovered that her daughter’s heart hadn’t formed correctly and she was stillborn. My friend had to go through labor and delivery, give birth to this baby that never took a breath in this world and it was devastating. Still, that is technically considered to be an abortion. That billboard is a slap in the face to every woman that had to go through something similar and is still grieving the loss of a child that they desperately wanted and would do anything to have back. My friend’s daughter would be seven now, had her heart formed correctly. Now was that my friend being a selfish woman, or was that God’s will? I bet in the eyes of a pro-lifer, that was my friend being selfish.

Then I thought about a woman that has an abortion because the pregnancy is a result of a rape. I have gotten into arguments with my aunt over this (and she secretly had an abortion years ago, but I’m not supposed to know about it so I can’t use that against her in arguments which really chaps my ass like you wouldn’t believe). I understand my aunt’s point that it’s “not the baby’s fault” it was the product of a rape. You’re right, it’s not. Here’s the thing… the mother has already been traumatized by the rape. Personally, I don’t know how I could look into the face of a child that reminded me of the person that violated me so heinously and violently. I give all the props in the world to a woman that can look beyond that and see her baby as a blank slate and a chance to do one of the greatest jobs in the entire world. To be able to love a child born of those circumstances is a remarkable thing and you deserve all the praise in the world for being able to do it. If I ever found myself in that situation, I honestly don’t know how I would handle it.

If I chose to have an abortion it wouldn’t be about punishing the baby, like my aunt seems to think. I completely agree that it isn’t the baby’s fault. Maybe, ideally, the best thing would be to put the baby up for adoption. The problem there is that while I would be giving another set of parents a wonderful gift, I would still have to bond with this child. I would have to feel it grow, move, laugh… I would form an attachment to it, and after giving birth I might change my mind because I’m high on post-pregnancy emotions and decide to keep it. Great, I have a kid… but do I really, really want it? Do I feel resentment toward this little person that did absolutely nothing to deserve it?

Again, abortion is no woman’s first choice, but she should still have the option.

Then I thought about the women who were using protection of some form (sometimes two) and still got pregnant. She was being responsible (and this applies to married women just the same as it does to single women) and there’s still a baby on the way. There are hundreds, if not thousands of reasons, why a woman might decide to have an abortion. It’s easy to say that all of them are selfish and again, “punishing the baby”. I remember seeing an episode of ER years ago that involved a married woman in her mid-thirties that already had like six kids, I think, in as many years and she was brought into the ER with all of her children in tow.

A blood test was performed because she passed out. She blamed it on not having a chance to eat that day and it was just low blood sugar. When the tests came back the doctor informed her she was pregnant, which she also suspected. She admitted to trying to self-induce a miscarriage because she couldn’t handle having anymore babies at that point. Her husband had already been called to come get her and the children, and while they waited for him she opted to have an abortion. I don’t fault that mother one bit and it killed her to do it, but she didn’t feel like she had any other choice. She wasn’t prepared to raise another baby and there was no way her husband would ever sign off on an adoption.

Every situation is different.

What kills me is that most of these pro-life organizations are rooted in Christianity, claiming to do “the Lord’s work” for him.

FUCK YOU.

I haven’t been to church on the regular for a long time (I was raised in the Lutheran faith) because I’ve come to view organized religion as a bunch of bullshit. It’s a whole lot of scare tactics and nonsense designed to get your money and make you fall in line with the preacher’s interpretation of the Bible. Fuck that noise. I’m a critical thinker. I can read the Bible and converse with God just fine all on my own. I don’t need a middle man, and as George Carlin said, I don’t need a place to compare clothing either.

If you’re really a good Christian, then you know it’s not your place to judge. That’s God’s job, and contrary to what you might think, you’re not God and you don’t know how He feels about the actions of another.

Do these people never stop to think about the heartache that it causes a woman to go through this procedure? I’m sure there are women that don’t give a single fuck and have abortions on the regular because that’s just how they roll. I know a woman like that, too. An old friend of my mother’s has had eleven in her lifetime that my mother knows about. Eleven. I can’t even imagine. There’s a part of me that wants to judge her for that because I know she used it as a form of birth control. Rather than doing what she could to prevent pregnancies she let herself get pregnant and then “took care of it” afterward. I blame that on her Catholic upbringing and their refusal to accept that birth control is a good thing, but my ranting on the Catholics is a completely different rant best saved for another day.

I think about the state funded facilities for the children that have been abandoned, removed from their homes due to abuse or neglect or were simply turned over to the state at the time of their birth because the mother wasn’t ready for the job of mothering. Here are a few statistics about what those children will experience as a result of not having a stable home life:

  • 54 % earn a high school diploma
  • 2% earn a Bachelor’s degree or higher
  • 84% become parents too soon, exposing their children to a repeated cycle of neglect and abuse
  • 51% are unemployed
  • 30% have no health insurance
  • 25% experience homelessness
  • 30% receive public assistance

Is it a sad thing when a woman has an abortion? Yes, absolutely. It’s incredibly sad that there is the loss of potential because that child could have been destined for great things. However, if you’re going to use the God’s Plan argument here… who’s to say it wasn’t God’s Plan for a woman to have an abortion? I bet the pro-lifers don’t even consider that a possibility because they’ve already decided that they know how God feels about abortion. Again, fuck you.

On September 30, 2011, there were an estimated 400,540 children in foster care (site). According to what I read:

  • More than a quarter (27 percent) were in relative homes,
    and nearly half (47 percent) were in nonrelative foster family
    homes.
    • About half (52 percent) had a case goal of reunification with
    their families.
    • About half (52 percent) of the children left the system to be
    reunited with their parents or primary caretakers.
    • Close to half of the children (46 percent) who left foster care
    in FY 2011 were in care for less than 1 year.

I don’t know what y’all know about foster care and government funded programs, but they’re really not the place you want your child to end up. That’s not to say that all people who are registered to be foster parents are awful, abusive assholes that are only interested in collecting a check from the government. I would like to believe that there are plenty of stable, loving people that genuinely want to offer a good home to a child that doesn’t have one, even if it’s a temporary thing. Sadly, I think those people are fewer and far between than they should be.

This is where we get into a quality of life discussion for a post-natal child and it’s a big part of the argument. If, as a pro-lifer, you’re going to talk about the loss of potential, then quality of life after birth is something that should be considered when a woman decides whether or not to have an abortion. Let me be clear here: I am not saying that children in foster care should  have been aborted.

What I am saying is that the quality of life is such, and the chances of having a good, stable family that loves these children is slim to none. Don’t even get me started on digging up statistics of what’s likely to happen to children that don’t come from good homes. What I wonder is why these people aren’t advocating harder for the children that have already been born and have nowhere else to go? There are already hundreds of thousands of children in the US that are stuffed into an overcrowded system that does the absolute bear minimum to keep them alive.

Existing and living are two different things.

These children aren’t being offered the chance to realize their full potential either because of the lack of a stable family. So why aren’t the pro-lifers advocating for the children that are already born, breathing, moving and will someday become adults if living on the streets or being addicted to drugs at a young age doesn’t kill them first?

It’s a terrible fact to mention, but I’m willing to bet abortion actually keeps the number of unwanted children down by a certain percentage. It’s hard to say how many other children would be in the foster care system if abortion was banned. How many special needs children would end up in the system because of it? Special needs children require more care than your average child. Between doctor’s visits, a variety of therapies or specially trained workers to deal with them you’re looking at skyrocketing costs to care for just one child.

I’m not suggesting that abortion is a clever money saving option either, for those that might be thinking I am. What I’m saying is that this is a complicated matter and it’s not as simple as pro-lifers would like it to be. It’s not a simple matter of shaming a woman into giving birth to a child because you have the threat of eternal damnation and hellfire in your argument based on a few cherry picked Bible quotes.

But for the Bible readers out there, let me just leave you with this:

Matthew 7:2-5 “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

38 thoughts on “A Non-Fiction Related Rant

  1. I totally agree with you!!!!!!! who the fuck do they think they are to judge as if they have the right!! Every woman should have the choice to do what they need to at any given time

  2. Louis Aragon said “Woman is the Future of Man” and I seriously sick that it is always the women who are responsible for everything, it’s time in 2013 that a woman is free to do what she wants with her body! instead of forward …. we go back!
    thank you for your post

  3. i am extremely anti-abortion as birth control. i think if someone can’t deal with the consequences of having sex……then don’t have sex. tis one of the reasons i choose to abstain until marriage. (Funny how that seems to weird people out more than abortion but there ya go!)

    i am also anti-abortion because if my mother had found a doctor to perform the procedure on her back in the late 70’s i wouldn’t be here today.

    but do i force my beliefs on someone else? no. do i wish that women who are choosing this option because they just arent ready chose instead adoption; definitely,

    the bible isnt as cut and dry as christian extremists would have you believe either.

    in the end, i would rather a safe place for women to go than backyard coat-hanger jobs and thats what could happen if abortion clinics are successfully shut down or women become traumatised at the thought of going through a picket line.

    i don’t think there is ever going to be one right answer except the one someone makes for themselves and that is why governments need to stay out of women’s uterus’……. it’ll get awfully cramped in there otherwise.

    • I would like to see all the money spent on billboards, trips to Washington for pro-life marches, and any other stupidity to get the pro-life message out spent on woman who do decide to have children under difficult decisions. I am not pro-life or pro-choice – because that’s all turned into terminology related to the law. The hell with the law – the law has no place here with a woman’s decision and circumstances. I am pro making sure woman have the information and resources they need to make a decision that’s best for them. Not one made out of fear, poverty or concern about being judged. …..If all the billboard costs could save one life because a woman wanted to keep her child but didn’t have the means? I say tear the things down and spend it there.
      And just in case I’m freaking the pro-choicers out – rest assured, at the end of the day I put myself in that bucket – cause they don’t have a bucket for pro preventing unwanted pregnancies and/or helping those women if they find themselves in that position.
      Wow – thanks for the forum….

    • First of all, I’m glad you’re here too!

      I’m also a pro-abstinence person but that doesn’t mean I have my head in the sand (not saying you do either). It seems like a lot of people that preach abstinence as the only form of birth control haven’t looked around since… oh, THE DAWN OF TIME. The movie “If These Walls Could Talk” is perhaps one of my favorite politically motivated movies. If you haven’t seen it, you should. It approaches abortion from so many different angles and includes the story of a WWII widow (played by Demi Moore) who has a one night stand (I think it was) with her dead husband’s brother after she receives word that her husband passed. The night was about comfort for both of them, having lost someone they each loved so much. She ends up pregnant as a result, and despite being a nurse, she seeks one of those coat hanger abortions. If I remember correctly she ends up bleeding out on her kitchen floor and dying as a result.

      This is not what I want for any woman I know. I think about my cousins that are college age and how all it takes is one careless decision and they could end up in a similar situation and I do not want one of them to die because of it.

      Unfortunately, I also agree that I think this debate will continue to rage on but it’s not up to the government to tell me what I do with my body. I don’t agree with assisted suicide being a wrong thing either, but that’s also another complicated debate for another time.

      • I have seen that movie and it certainly isn’t a cosy saturday afternoon flick! (still need to see the sequel….oops). and no, i certainly don’t think abstinence is everyones answer, just the right one for me. (Not having to have a pap smear yet? whoohoo!!!!!!)

        it’s a very loaded and heated topic that we women seem to get very hot under the collar about. i once had a screaming argument with a woman that believed women who supported abortion should all be rounded up and sterilised because they didn’t deserve the gift of motherhood. (I wish i was kidding just a little).

        i actually worked in a massive christian bookstore chain for 7 years so if theres a crazy to be found on a topic i’ve probably encountered it and funnily enough the older generations seem to be much more tolerant than our own.

        i guess what came across badly in my original comment is that while i don’t believe in abortion for me at all under any circumstance, and while i wish there were better alternatives or fool-proof birth control out there, i know i don’t have the right to tell someone no just because i believe its wrong. i think those tiny short shorts with the pockets longer than the shorts are ridiculous and i want to burn them all but i’m not going to ban them just because i don’t like them.

        theres never going to be an easy answer for this unfortunately. i too wish the money being poured into billboards and bills etc etc would be redirected toward actually helping women and educating them rather than making them feel crappier than they already probably are.

      • Saw that movie – they did a great job on the multiple perspectives….I just think you and I watched it and saw that – not the pro-lifers….
        Oh and the debate for another day – I watched my mother wither, I’m ready to add to that one when you choose to post it.
        And on that note – have a lovely weekend! I think your email box will be full of notifications on this post.
        Mags

      • I’ll just say this on the topic of euthanasia… my mother is insisting that I take her to get D.N.R. tattooed to her chest on her 60th birthday and I have been instructed to physically pull the plugs myself should she ever be placed on life support. I intend to follow through with it because it’s what she wants, and what she wants supersedes my own selfishness.

        But that’s just scratching the surface.

  4. I have to say I extremely enjoy your writing but I am sorry to say I DISAGREE whole heartedly with you about the majority of your rant and this is an example of the reason we have the 1st amendment.

    Thanks,
    Stephanie

    • And you have every right to disagree with me on this issue. There are plenty of people that do. I simply find it shocking that at this point in time anyone can say that a woman doesn’t have the right to choose what she does with her own body. Advocate for the fetus if you must, but if it isn’t strong enough to live independently from its mother, I don’t truly consider it to be a person just yet. But that’s another argument for another time as well.

      • I do not think you are uninformed but I do think that you area mixing together many arguments and principles. I look at it from a legal standpoint because that is my background. Also, your religious perspective is skewed and you’re quite jaded. I.e. that’s why you can call it a rant. Again, the 1st amendment goes both ways…you don’t have to like what others say but the freedom for you to rant for free gives them the same freedom to PAY to post the billboard.

        Thanks,
        ~S

      • Okay, well, show me a person who’s religious perspective isn’t skewed. But isn’t that part of what this great country was founded on, the idea that we could all have our own beliefs that wouldn’t be regulated by the government and we would be free of prosecution simply because we didn’t follow the party line? If you’re Catholic, be Catholic. I don’t understand the religion and think it’s full of contradictions, but whatever. That’s your choice to make. If that’s what you believe and that’s what makes you sleep at night, then great. Have at it.

        And my arguments contain several ideas and different principles because this is a complicated issue. It’s not as simple as abortion bad, life good. If it was that simple we wouldn’t continue to debate on it, now would we?

        Pro-lifers have the right to run around telling other women how to live just like I have the right to remind them that it’s none of their business what other people do.

        In the end, if you don’t want an abortion, don’t have one.

  5. I agree with you 100%. When I was 17 I got pregnant. I chose to have the baby and give it up for adoption, but it screwed up my life-and my relationshiips- for years. I wish I would have had the choice…. I would NEVER force a pregnancy on anyone…just like I would never force an abortion on anyone.

    I have known women who had abortions…it was never used as “birth control” as they were ON birth control when they got pregnant. It’s not 100%, I have never known anyone who wanted an abortion, but they need to be safe, private and available to those who feel they-for whatever reason- cannot have a baby….

    • You know, that’s what kills me… the fact that there are so many people who are anti-abortion and I get the feeling that they think it’s a woman’s go-to choice for dealing with an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy. I will never understand that. Most of those people are also men, and will never understand what a woman goes through in not only making the decision, but then going through the procedure itself and the aftercare required, both physically and emotionally. The affects of having an abortion, I’m sure, are lasting.

      And kudos to you for being strong enough and loving your child enough to give him/her a life you knew you weren’t prepared to give him/her yourself. I don’t know that I would be strong enough to do something like that.

  6. I saw a show once that a husband and wife team bought a large house and opened a group home for woman who were pregnant and had no family to help them. Because they were young and alone, with no baby daddy in the picture,they were thinking of having a abortion. This couple would offer to have these women live with them. Then when the babies were born, they were allowed to stay there for 5 or 6 years, to allow them time to get their lifes together, to be able to take care of the child. The couple would help with child care, so the mothers could work or go to school. They would cook and clean and help with college forms, homework and resumes. They taught parenting classes. They actually helped the situation, instead of just talking loud about it and causing a bunch of useless drama.

    If more prolifers did this instead of wasting money on signs and protests they would save 10 times the amount of children, they are now. Lowering the number in the next generation facing the same problem. It would help these children to have safe, stable lives. But they don’t do this because their goal is not to save babies or help children, but to shame women in to church and draw attention to themselves to feel important.

    I believe that abortions should be avoided, but it is the womans choice. While adoption is a good option, it causes issues as well. I have know quite a few people who were adopted. When adopted only 1 out of 10 kids were completely normal. The others have different levels of emotional problems.(Depending on the individual person and the parenting skills of the adoptive parents) It did something bad to them to be completely abandoned by their mothers, leaving them feeling unwanted and unworthy of good things in life. Mothers are the one person into the world, who is always suppose to be there for them, no matter what. They feel like something is wrong with them because even their own mothers did not want them, even if they know it is not true.

    But now with open adoption becoming more normal, the emotional issues are not as bad. Especially if the mother is allowed to present (like an Aunt) for birthdays, Christmas, other holidays and special events. This causes these children to feel less abandoned, since they are there. It helps them to understand it was not that they were not wanted, just that the mother could not handle the responsibility of motherhood at the time. (they were to young, etc) and out of love, found parents for them that were ready for the responsibility. (If the mother in question is a healthy person and does not have drug problems or legal issues)

    Those signs just make me think prolifers are idiots. They are so against birth control and sexual education, when they would actually prevent alot of abortions. To bad there are not studies on how many abortions are caused by not using birth control because of religious beliefs. I think that would be really eye opening. I read one study that said that Catholic women had 4 times more abortions than anyone else.

    • I would so do what this couple you spoke of has done. I would beg my husband to sell this house & buy a large piece of property with a big enough house & lots of land where we could build on more. I’d do exactly as these folks did, with all of the love, compassion, and support for these young women needing a good start in life with people who weren’t judging them, only assisting them in their efforts to be the best parent they could, and make something of themselves in order to go on to every success possible. It’s always been a dream, but now a dream inhibited by poor health that increases with age. I don’t allow it to defeat me in other areas, but even babysitting my grandchildren a few days a week takes quite a lot out of me. How I wish I could make this dream come true. Perhaps in my next life…

  7. ::applause::
    I always bring up the point with my exempt prolife relatives…
    What about rape victims? (Some of them as stood enough to agree with the argument that if they get pregnant then they wanted it, but…grrrrr)
    What about incest?

    I those two instances specifically you’re going to traumatized an already traumatized girl and make them carry a baby that is the result of something so heinous…that’s cruel. Where’s your compassion then? All or doing is more than likely pushing them more towns depression and/or suicide.

    I’m not going to wax on anymore since you made almost all my points for me…and much more eloquently as well. By yeah for you darlin. I so kinda love you right now. :*

    • My personal beliefs on the subject are as follows:

      1. Abortion shouldn’t be used as a form of birth control.
      2. In cases of rape, incest or danger to the mother a free pass should be given.

      Regardless of my personal beliefs, I still think every woman should have the right to make the decision for herself without the government or some judgmental jackass shaming her for the choice she’s making.

  8. First of all, allow me to thank you for posting & speaking your mind on one of the most controversial topics facing us in current day. As far as I’m concerned this decision was made into law 40 years ago, and while it could be updated as to be clarified, the legalization needs to remain in effect if for nothing else than the safety of young gilrs & women who choose to have an abortion for their own personal reasons.

    Roe v Wade was never put into effect for abortion to be used as a means of birth control. For those who choose to use it this way without taking the measures to prevent future pregnancies is a purely irresponsible step on their part. We are now living in the 21st century. Yes, an accident due to faulty birth control may still occur, however; one accident can be excused. More “accidents” only further one’s lack of responsibilty and with sexual diseases on the rise, responsibility lies with both partners. Condoms are sold for a reason, people. Use them! With no fault in birth control & without the use of condoms, there is absolutely no reason in this day & age for a young girl or woman to get pregnant unless she so chooses!

    Now, please read carefully! I assure you I am not speaking of victims of rape or incest. These are horrible crimes in which no female should be forced to give birth to an unwanted child, born most likely out of the most terror-filled experience to be relived enough in her mind without adding a child to remind her of it for the rest of her life. Why should a female be forced pay in this way for the crimes of another? Yes, she makes the choice of terminating or not terminating this type of pregnancy. I’ve counseled enough victims of these crimes to know 98% of them choose to terminate.

    This being said, I want to briefly mention the Catholics. I’m also a Lutheran – one small step away from Catholicism where we leave out the “middle man”, and just have our Pastors with whom we speak freely if it’s what we want. Confession is done during our services silently, leaving it between ouselves & God. Back to the Catholics who “do not believe in the choice of abortion;” if per chance they happen to get pregnant and a child is not wanted. They consider this a sin. Hello, hypocrisy! Premarital sex is a sin! If sex before marriage is a sin, then as a Catholic, your dogma states abstinence, so please, don’t piss down my back & tell me it’s raining,

    Another thing I don’t understand is why all of a sudden, those of us who are pro-choice are now being deemed “pro-abortion.” Allow me to make this abundantly clear to those of you who are ready to reply to me with great hate & venom. Save it. No one, and I mean no one, is pro-abortion. If you are, you’re probably in need of some serious therapy. Choice means exactly what it infers – choose your major, choose your menu item, choose to have a child, choose your options carefully when deciding if you do not want a child. This doesn’t mean your choice is abortion – it means you have numerous alternatives. Your first choice should be protecting yourself against not getting pregnant in the first place.

    To the pro-lifers making all of the claims, fact or fiction, may I suggest you revisit your science and/or biology classes? A fertilized human egg is a zygote, not a baby. Between this miraculous process of the fertilization & cells developing, the zygote becomes an embryo, still not a baby, but the recipe is beginning to take shape, and in no way possible is this viable outside of the womb unless under the most clinical of conditions – say they’re going to be frozen for future implantation. Yes, I know you “Christians” don’t believe in this either. Between this stage to 12 weeks after conceptIon, only then the fetus is formed, still not a baby – not viable outside the mother’s womb, and the inner organs begin to form along with the outside physical form making the fetus appear to look like an alien. This is just one of the reasons many states do not allow abortions to be performed past this stage. Late-term abortions are rare, and are done because of great risks to the health of the mother & the fetus who will more than likely die in the womb resulting in a forced birth – the mother undergoes forced labor through medication and instead of having a bundle of joy placed in her arms, she’s left with an empty womb and knowing she now has to choose a name to place on a birth & death certificate as well as grave marker, instead of a Baby Book where childhood memories should have gone. There are but three OB/Gyn’s in this entire country who perform this procedure since the last one was viciously murdered as he worshipped in church. The hypocrisy of this astounds me still. That a certain sect of pro-lifers would murder a doctor, a living, breathing human being; while out on sidewalks spewing their venom to a female on her way into a clinic, shoving horrific photos in her face of aborted “babies” all in the name of their God, expounding upon HER sin of murder – when they have absolutely no idea why this girl/woman may be visiting said clinic – who is the sinner? To further my dialogue with the pro-lifers, how many of these unwanted children are willing to take into your homes? I hear you talking, but I don’t see you walking. Trust me, if I was good health, younger, I would take in as many as allowed – without a dime from the state. A baby IS a blessing; every child is a blessing. Having a choice is a great blessing as well. Practice what you preach. When many of you stop committing adultery, I might pay more attention to you.

    Furthermore, being pro-choice is not only about abortion. It has do to with making choices about your own female health care. For far too long, we’ve been left having our decisions made by men – men who have no idea what’s it like to pregnant let alone know anything about what really goes on with our bodies. Sure, you may say all you like that there are doctors out there who know – they are doctors; this is what they study & for what they’ve trained. Yes, all true. Unless your doctor happens to be a man. I would no more expect to know what goes on his body than to expect he really knows what happens in mine – I don’t care how many years he studied. I’ve had far more not listen to me when I knew there was something wrong only to be pooh-poohed & condescended to for years resulting in a hysterectomy due to cervical cancer at the age of 33. It took 5 years before a doctor finally listened. As for the politicians, Fuck You. Enough said.

    Listen, pro-lifers, you’re entitled to your opinions, and that’s just what they are, opinions. You may throw in some facts, but you’re not even willing to listen to the other side. You’ve made up your minds & that’s it. You’re simply going to point out all of our sins & transgressions & take them into your own hands. That’s not your job. My sins & transgressions as well as my chances for redemption & forgiveness are up to God. He is a loving, forgiving, merciful God; not the hell, fire & brimstone you assign to him nor the “vengeance is mine” wrathful Lord. I’m not certain there would be folks believing in meeting God in Heaven if this were true. If this isn’t the case, then I’m headed for Hell where I’ll probably meet up with lots of old friends, and many of you as well.

    For now, I’ll take my chances. Stay the fuck out of women’s anatomy & reproductive choices. It’s none of your business. Abstinence-only birth control is a contradiction in terms, and obviously doesn’t work since you procreate like rabbits, populating a world with far too many poor, hungry people. Shut the fuck up or promote birth control – this would eliminate or lower the number of abortions performed in this country, which, by the way has decreased considerably over the last 2 decades.

    This quote comes from the Book of John. Being the good Christians many of you claim you are, I’m sure you know the Chapter & verse: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”

    Sorry for the length, Meg. I’ve been holding this in for far too long.

  9. Totally agree with you … Especially about the religious aspect of it .. I go to church regularly but with the mindset of I know what I believe and what the pastor is saying is his opinion and I can just take from it what I need and get the rest from the source ( bible) ..
    And while I would never have an abortion my self and it makes me really sad to hear about I think it’s none of my damn business what another person chooses to do … I haven’t walked in there shoes .. I have a loving husband .. We want childeren it took us a long time to conceive our daughter and while we aren’t wealthy we do ok ..and I have a good support system if family and friends … I have never been rapped or alone with pregnancy that was unwanted .. So who am I to tell some struggling woman what to do …cause it is a struggle to get to that point I’m sure .. No one wants to be in that situation .
    If we would inform kids earlier on and give them better information about sex and protecton we would not have to deal with alot if the unwanted pregnancys .. I work a middle school and they had sex-ed and they told the kids if you can’t talk to your parent about sex you shouldn’t be having it .. And while true it makes me wonder how many kids can really have an honest conversation with the parents .. I know I couldn’t and I was almost 20 when I needed that kind of advise ..not some highschool kid getting the wrong answers off google .. And if prolifers would get off the soap box and actually love like they are supposed to we wouldn’t have people ashamed to ask for advise or to ask hard questions to people who are supposed to be help with out judgement ..

    • My mother is a nurse. My grandmother (before she passed away) was also a nurse. Never, in a million years, could I have talked to either one of them about sex when I was a teenager. On top of that, I don’t recall either of my parents ever really having a sex talk with me, aside from my rather bitter mother telling me, “A woman is not a receptacle for a man.” Mom has issues lol.

      When she was sixteen I took my cousin out to lunch one day and we had a long talk about this sort of stuff. I told her that if she ever needed someone to talk to about it or if she never needed someone to help her get on birth control, I would gladly do that for her. I want her to be safe and the first step to ensuring that she makes good, healthy decisions, is to make sure she’s educated enough to make them. Was it a little uncomfortable to have that talk? You bet your sweet ass it was. I changed this girl’s diapers. I let her puke on me when she was sick. I held cold carrots on her gums when she was teething. I love her like a mother would and so yes, it wasn’t easy to think about her being in a sexual relationship with someone. Pretending like it was never going to happen, however, didn’t sit right with me. So I got over myself and did what needed to be done for her benefit.

      Because I love her.

      And I’m not even her mother.

      I would hope that every girl has someone like this that they can count on in their life. Someone that’s older, but isn’t a parent, and can advise them on how to make good choices and to give them the information they need to make said choices. I realize that’s not the case, but it would be a much better world if more kids (not just girls because boys need to be just as informed) got a proper education and fully understood that their actions have consequences. Some of those consequences can affect you for the rest of your life.

      • Yes to all that !! I’m so glad you did that and I have made it a point to tell my sister if anything happens to me you get my baby girl and this is what I would tell her about life and boys and sex and you better tell her the same thing !! I’m all about educating our kids cause the more they know the less someone can take advantage of them .. And Yes I’m going to be that mom who gets called to the school cause her daughter is telling the other kids where babies come from and I live in a small town in Texas so it will be deliciously awkward ! 😉

      • I did the same with both of my little sisters as well as each of my own kids. I never hid a thing from them; if they had questions, I answered, age appropriate of course. As they grew, our talks lengthened and when the girls were ready for birth control, I took them (and my sisters) to the doctor for their exams & let them decide on which form they wanted. Well, apparently it took with one of my sisters. The youngest had her first child at 20, then 3 more in rapid succession, as sure as spring came every year, so did another baby. Then her two eldest became my two youngest when she gave them to me & terminated her parental rights. It also took with my eldest ingrate; the middle one didn’t get pregnant (surprisingly) until she was 24; while my youngest, a boy, got his girlfriend pregnant when he was 19 & she was 17 & still in high school. The eldest as it turns out can’t have children. She never wanted to have any in the first place. Her belief has always been “There are already too many people in this world. I don’t want to bring in anymore when there are so many children who need a parent, so I’m planning to adopt.” Damn, I love that kid (well, she’s 27 so, she’s not exactly a kid anymore), and I’m so proud of her. The middle one no longer has custody of my granddaughter, and even though the father is a moron, somehow he’s the better parent…the lesser of the two evils. My son & now daughter-in-law are surprisingly beating all the odds thus far. Married since last year, their son is now 4 and a pure delight. They’ve got a colid relationship after attending couples counseling through their church & are terrific parents. Who knew?

  10. Oh Ma Gawd! You’ve opened a can of worms here that’s gonna make (all those pro-lifers out there) heads spin! I applaud your whole point if view and bravery for speaking your mind. I’m lucky to live in a country where there isn’t a big anti-abortion presence around clinics and A LOT of guidance ones into the pros and cons. Everyone will, of course, have their own opinion it, but what gets me riled up is these religious moralistic dictators forcing me to accept their opinion. They’re no better than Taliban for extremist views. I would ask them to put themselves in the mothers shoes before casting judgement. Well done.

  11. Wow I was just looking for ” crossed out name ” update! Abortion debate Oh boy! Can of worms indeed. First I was 100% pro choice until my Scarlett was born now I do look at things very differently but I would never force my beliefs on someone else. Except on late term abortion unless there are dangers to the mother I do not agree with it in my opinion that is murder. But a woman should have options and choices when she finds out that she is pregnant including counseling or if she feels abortion is the choice than that is what it is her choice! But again there should be a term limit on when. XXOOO to all the girls!

  12. Thank you for sharing. I’m in the same opinion as you and agree with everything you said. That poster is horrible, I would have been pissed too.

  13. When I was 20 I was told that I would not be able to hold a pregnancy. I have issues due to endometriosis. Before I was 30 I had 2 miscarriages. This is despite being on different birth controls at both times. I was in a bad relationship when I was 29 and found out I was pregnant. After much work and soul searching, I decided it would be better for my daughter to be born into a world with 2 seperate happy parents, than how things were.

    When I was 34 I had another pregnancy scare. I have bi-polar. I have high anxiety issues (panic attacks), and the other prospective person was not someone I could see myself in a long term relationship. Realistically I should not have spent the one night with him that I did, but I was lonely.

    So there I was. A single mother already battling to try and manage my mental illness and have it impact my daughter as little as possible, and I was facing being a mother again. I know the second father would have been much more supportive. But I was trying to work out if my head would be able to deal with it.

    I had a miscarriage. But if I hadn’t I know I would have had an abortion.

    I completely agree with you Megs. This is a complex issue. And each woman should have the ability to make this choice without outside factors telling her how ‘wrong’ abortion is. I have to say, that I don’t think I would have told everyone about the abortion, as I didn’t want to be judged for my descision. Even if I knew that it was without a doubt, the best descision for both my unborn and existing child. Financially things would have been tight, but that wasn’t why I had made my choice. I know the extra stress of having another child at that point would have tipped my mental health over and I would have been completely useless as a mother for either child.

    Just weighing in that yes. The choices to use abortion are varied and complex, and never an easy descision.

    ~Gwyn

    • Oh, gwyn…your post/story brought tears to my eyes. I had the same condition while trying to get pregnant in my 1st marriage. After numerous miscarriages, or “spontaneous abortions, we gave up. As soon as we stopped trying, wouldn’t ya know? The very next month we got our miracle. So we had our daughter, then ended up divorced before she was 2. I learned about the endometriosis in ’89 & my doctor was astounded learning I had had a full-term pregnancy with no problems. That’s when I found out that she was, indeed, a miracle. Being a single mother today isn’t easy & the stress of being both mother, father, sibling, and all-around maid, waitress, and chief entertainment for your child is impossible to carry at times. Things are always tight financially, no matter what your salary. I always considered child support fun money. It was funny I ever received any – so that’s what we did with it – we had fun! It wasn’t any easier being a single mother 25 years ago. I can’t begin to imagine how you managed with BPD. Please understand even as a former therapist & single mom, I’m still unable concieve of your bravery & ability. How do you it? I also just want to point out a few things you may not be aware of about BPD & behavioral health disorders in general. I’d do this privately, but I’ve no other way (Sorry, Meg!) OK,your brain is the MOST physical part of your body – with no brain function, we’re dead. It controls everything – everything – that happens within the human body; every thought, every emotion, every physical movement, every breath, every heartbeat, every nerve – all of it. BPD & all other “mental illnesses” are still considered as such because of fear. People fear the unknown – and there’s still so much about the inner workings & power of the human brain left unknown. That stigma & fear over “mental health” remain in the 21st century is an insult to the intelligence, remarkable work, & continuing research performed by NIMH(instrumental in renaming to Behavioral Health) and those in direct client care. gywn – you have an illness for which you have to be medicated. Just as a diabetic would have to take insulin, you have to take your meds. I’m an epileptic and have to take daily meds. Diabetics know the consequences of not checking their sugar levels & getting their insulin, as I’m sure you’re aware of the consequences of not taking your meds. I know the consequences of not taking mine, physical & legal. 35 years ago, epilepsy was considered a mental illness & the stigma! Bottom line – your illness makes you no different than anyone else with one needing to be medicated for the quality of one’s life. It’s as much of a physical illness as mine. Yours is also a behavioral disorder; yet, this is as manageable as any other. Think about this; when someone is DNR – machines are turned off, and they die. The only thing that’s been keepng them alive are machines. This person iwas already gone because that most wonderful, amazing, & mysterious physical part of their body no longer functioned. I’ve no doubt you’re a wonderful mother & have a terrific child. I wish you didn’t sound so sad. 🙂 Just know you’re not alone. There’s so much support out there for you. I’m sending you cyber-hugs.

      • Thankyou msbuffy!
        I am good. It is still a road to living with my illness, but definitely medication is a part of it. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will be on medication for the rest of my life. No ifs buts or maybes. That’s ok, it’s just a part of who I am am 🙂
        I’m not sad anymore, well, mostly ;). I know who I am, and I know this illness kicks me butt occasionally. But the fact that I am aware, means I get as much help for my munchkin as our mental health support system allows.

        I am glad to hear that I am not the only person to hear that I had an endometriosis miracle baby 🙂 And yes, single parenthood is challenging 🙂

        This post was just to share my story. To help explain that the ‘choices’ are many and varied 🙂

        *hugs*
        ~Gwyn

  14. As always, even with the toughest od subjects you have managed to put forward a strong, clear argument. Ultimately, it is my body, my choice. I have to live with the decisions and choices I make. Nobody should be able to make these choices for me. We do not live in a police state where we are told how to live, think and act. Let me make my choice. I am the only one who has to deal with the consequences.
    I am a mother of two, I have been through cervical cancer and can no longer have children. I had the choice taken from me to have any more. I hate that. It took many years to over come what I went through. Everybody should have a full say in their life. Having the choice to either have child or not, regardless of the situation, it should still be your choice, not dictated by some over zealous religious fanatic.
    We are women, we no longer live in the 1920’s and we live for ourselves and families. Let us make our CHOICE!

  15. I am with you… give people their god(dess)-given and/or constitutional right to choose… And each individual (regardless of their financial situation – cause let’s face it, those with means have always had access to medical solutions) can make the choices they can live with.

    What annoys me here particularly is the manipulative nature of the add. Frankly I can understand if someone chooses to believe there is life in the early stages of a pregnancy. It is a belief, a faith tenet… whatever… Everyone can believe what they like in their own homes and in relation to their own bodies. But surely the ability to smile should not be the deciding factor? I mean how moronic is that? And using that adorable baby’s face (who is obviously not a 12 weeks fetus) just reeks…

  16. I’m a pro-choice person. I don’t feel I have the right to tell anyone what to do with their body.
    THIS! Thank You!
    I have such a hard time explaining that while abortion is something I probably wouldn’t consider for myself, everyone should have a choice. I swear every year around election time, when this becomes the hot button issue it makes me crazy. No one should have the right to tell a woman what is best for her body, especially politicians!
    You said everything so well! Thank you!

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